out of love

When did you fall out of love ? 

Was it the moment when we fought for three days straight ?

Or the day when I was busy and made you wait ? 

Was it the moment you realized that you wouldn't lose me ?

Or the day when I begged before you to not leave me ?

Was it the moment you lost all the respect for me ? 

Or the day when you stopped to expect anything from me ? 

Was it the moment when someone else took my place ? 

Or the day when all you needed from me was space ? 

Was it the moment you thought life could be better without me ? 

Or the day when you questioned why you even chose me ?

Was it the moment when you couldn't even like the real me ?

Or the day you saw someone else who was prettier than me ?

Was it the moment when you touched me and it felt the same ?

Or the day you felt different and never felt like seeing me again ? 

Was it the moment when you knew you had to leave but didn't ?

Or the day you felt you had to tell me all this but couldn't ? 

Yes, there are no whys here but only whens, 

Because I knew I lost you long ago but it didn't make any sense,

I could see that love was absent in your eyes,

And I could smell ignorance in your little lies, 

I laughed at all your excuses and decided to let go,

And concealed my pain and only said that I was feeling low. 

I had no choice, so I only hoped, 

For a while I tried but then again let it all go, 

I hoped that some day you'll feel the changes too,

I hoped that you'd feel that I wasn't doing the things I used to do,

But it broke my heart but you didn't even notice, 

And I kept on walking every day on my broken pieces.

I stopped expressing how I felt, even if it was love,

Coz I thought you'd miss me but maybe I was never enough, 

Oh yes, you missed me, when you wanted to share, 

And when you needed a listener and some one to care. 

You didn't even realize that things were dying between us, 

You didn't even hold me when I was crying for our loss,

Cont. 

When I started writing to rescue my peace,

You blamed me for showing off my pain, 

You never realized that I just wanted you to read,

The things I didn't want to say again, 

When I communicated to you that you were hurting me,

You told me that all I do is compare and complain,

And closed all your doors that comforted me,

You never acknowledged me and even called me insane,

I lost all my battles because you gave up on me.

I know you'd never read this, 

Maybe that's why I'm brave enough to write it down,

Oh yes, now I'm scared to say a word, 

About how I feel to you or anyone else in the world,

You didn't realize but you broke my spirit and self belief,

I can't remember the last moment of happiness or relief,

But I still pray the best for you every single day,

Maybe you'd answer my whens some day, 

Until then I'd love you quietly by distancing my heart from you,

Because unfortunately I couldn't even keep myself away from you,

Oh yes, I have no right to say that I'm helpless in any way,

But I feel so disconnected already from the world and you,

That I have stopped caring about what others would think,

Because for me it's life with long days and longer nights, 

My ship sailed for a while but had to eventually sink,

And maybe I deserved this and it's alright. 

- Medhavi

20/11/22