I'm changing 🌸

I have always lost people because I loved them too much. I feel that my love becomes suffocating after a point of time.

 I analysed myself a lot and found this fault in me. So, I'm working on myself and from now on not forcing anything in life. Neither friendships, nor relationships. 

I have also learnt that people will leave me when they have to, so by being insecure or unsure about losing them or keeping them in my life would only stress me out. 

So it's better that I give everyone around me the space they want. And all the space that I can. If they value me, they'd understand things and talk about things before this space turns into a void and I learn to live without them and simply stop depending upon them for anything. 

I have been emotionally dependent all my life. On my mom, the guys I dated, a few friends and trust me, except my mom and a few friends, almost everyone has let me down and told me that why do you do so much ? Why do you make so much effort ? Why are you so nice ? Why do you give so much ? Why are you so selfless in relationships ? 

All these nice words, just to cover up that one sentence that they couldn't really say, why don't you have any self respect ? Stop doing things already. We can't digest that you are actually a good human being and that you have a pure heart. The world doesn't function on such people. 

So, until now, because of my dependency on people, they have controlled me, my decisions and even my dreams. Now for the first time in my life, I want to give up on every single person in my life and simply observe, who the fuck really cares ? And then I'd reciprocate. 

The ones who are interested in me, who value me, would understand it much before time because these people would be the ones who don't take me for granted. Rest, I need to say a silent goodbye and remove them quietly from my life, just the way they expected in the very beginning. 

I'm changing. I'm beginning to value myself now. It's high time to keep all the good things aside because I am just so tired of being a door mat. I want to feel like a human being again who can choose to protect herself from further damage.