depression

Depression is not a 'phase' ! 

The same story on loop,

Lonely days, lonelier nights, 

Sleeping with four cushions,

And re-thinking what's right...

Looking at old pictures,

And smiling alone, 

Eating dark chocolate,

And looking at my unlocked phone...

No calls, no messages, no notifications too, 

I couldn't move on, how could you? 

In such nights, I hope for an unexpected call, 

If not from you, then from a friend...

Why is everyone busy, why has everyone changed, 

Why does everyone want to meet on occasions and reunions, 

Why have I lost my friends in this crowd of millions...

This night is long just like every other night, 

And I can't sleep or think positive like things are alright, 

Because they aren't and nobody can see, 

All they see is my smiling face, 

It's so easy to hide but sorry I can't let it be, 

I have to let it out and I have to face, 

I know its hard but it's harder to be fake...

I'm living with it what is termed as 'depression', 

Which for many is something that spoils my impression, 

I can't describe how I count my days, 

How I fail to look at myself in better ways...

It kills me within but I never stop trying, 

No matter how many nights I spend crying, 

The next day I try to believe it as a game changer, 

I go out of home and everyone seems like a stranger,

Because nobody understands and just calls it a 'phase', 

No it is not and now I accept and embrace...

It's me, it's my state, and I'm not ashamed, 

If you are then be my guest and block me again, 

Because emotionally you have, practically you can, 

At least stop pretending that you are my friend,

Accept it as any other illness, 

I am not in it with my consent,

It's not my choice, it's not my fault, 

Your life is moving, while mine is at halt...

So respect it and help me by talking it out, 

And if you're bad at this then just stop judging alright, 

I will pass through it and win for sure, 

But don't make my struggle a war with myself, 

By telling me again and again to be fine and love myself, 

I'm trying and I can't but I will one day, 

And then l will try to help someone like me, in someway...

Medhavi

17/04/17