pink spectacle 🌸

Pink spectacle... 

The cold breeze was brushing her hair, while the strands were bothering her eyes filled with tears. She was sitting alone at a lonely terrace, looking beyond a place that maybe never existed. Recalling past episodes of her life, she was smiling, crying, advising and scolding herself. She had been a friend, in love with her bestie, she had been a stranger, in love with somebody's voice on the phone, she had been a stalker, for the guy with the cutest smile, she had been a poet, for someone she could never get. She had been so much, in search for love, she was hurt so many times, in all those trials. 

When she finally fell in love, with him, she thought it was end of the world. She was a giver since forever but she gave her own self, she gave up on her principles, she gave up on her dreams, and just decided to love him by all means. It was a pink rose colored spectacle through which she saw her dream life, everything beautiful, everything perfect. Somebody fell in love with her smile, with the way she ate her food, with the way she kept her hair, with the way she thought, with the way she walked... with every bit of her.. what more could she ask for. 

The only thing that scratched her pink spectacles for the first time was the absence of faith and the doubt of infidelity, which he had on her. The reason justifying the torturous stalking, checking and proof demanding was his past relationship which had damaged him deeply. She went through that phase and gave him every proof. She allowed him to own her phone, her wallet, her entire identity.. because she wasn't scared of anything. She loved him and she knew that. Nothing else mattered. 

She thought that was enough, she thought she gave it all, but a lot more was left, a lot more was yet to get broken. She still gets those nightmares which make her sweat and wake up in fear, the nightmares which were once a reality, the nightmares which were once her life. He couldnt get any proof against her for a long time, and then, he started creating them. He detached her from her world, he snatched her from her own being and pulled her towards a world that just had him. She was hurt but happy too, because she thought this might be the end of the struggle she was going through. But no, it was just the beginning. 

She still wakes up at night and feels his hand on her face, not caressing her, but hitting her hard. He used to hit her, he used to abuse her, mentally, physically, emotionally. She didnt give up. She believed that one day... one day he will acknowledge.. what all she went through to make him trust her. But that day never came. She could never hear those three words.. I trust you... 

Three years passed with all that insecurity, love-hate dilemma, doubt, and one fine day he just called and told her that it was the end. Before she could question, before she could say a word, the phone was disconnected and she could never reach him. She waited for him on the roads, she got drunk enough to get some sleep, she cried for hours..n days and months, he never came back. She drugged herself to find peace, she hurt herself to punish, nothing worked. 

After a few months, god showed her the way, told her what could help her find herself back... her friends. She got back to her life, her health, her friends, her passions, her dreams and started working over them. Things changed and she survived but learnt her lesson the harder way. But after a few more months, reality encountered her. He was cheating over her from day one, he never loved her, and because he was a cheater, he thought everybody of a mirror. She was hurt.. broken.. but by then she had become indifferent. Expectations had died a quiet death. 

Now she's an individual that she never was.. a survivor she never dreamt to be.. and a dreamer that she always was. The most commendable thing being that she still believes in forevers, love and loyalty, which she herself never encountered. Her pink spectacles have blurred with a few scratches, but she can still see some clear pictures, some clear dreams and some clear goals.. Thats her story... thats my story..

Medhavi

09.11.15