🚩 Depression does that to you
Yes, Depression does that to you...
You ignore yourself initially and then eventually start forgetting your own essence, your dreams, your passions...
Your secret escapes suddenly die and you find yourself trapped in your own world of self doubt. You question your existence and that if it matters. You don't feel scared anymore about harming yourself by self ignorance. You ignore the signs that your body gives you. You keep these signs a secret.. even from yourself and then when they get serious and visible to others, you panic as if you had no idea about them. You no longer like to see yourself in the mirror or dressing up, every day just becomes any other day, every thing that you loved starts feeling like a part of your past life. Self love takes a back seat and self confidence loses it's charm, your every day questions to yourself become a habit. When you talk about it with someone, they look at you and try to convince you that it is just a phase or just an extended thought. It is so hard to explain the daily struggles that you face, coz in a way you yourself are unaware of them because without any announcement they become a part of your daily life and you get used to living like that. There are times when you have slept enough and are wide awake but think about the reasons to get up or look forward to life and just find yourself lost in a blank space with a numb mind and you don't know where to go, what to do, who to talk to or who to ask for help.. because you yourself don't know how to explain yourself. Depression is such a slow killer that you don't get to know when it comes to your life and befriends you. You don't realize when you start living with it like it was always there and keep killing your own spirit at a slow pace. I would write how to fight it when I know how it is done. Right now I know what it is and how it makes me feel.
You ignore yourself initially and then eventually start forgetting your own essence, your dreams, your passions...
Your secret escapes suddenly die and you find yourself trapped in your own world of self doubt. You question your existence and that if it matters. You don't feel scared anymore about harming yourself by self ignorance. You ignore the signs that your body gives you. You keep these signs a secret.. even from yourself and then when they get serious and visible to others, you panic as if you had no idea about them. You no longer like to see yourself in the mirror or dressing up, every day just becomes any other day, every thing that you loved starts feeling like a part of your past life. Self love takes a back seat and self confidence loses it's charm, your every day questions to yourself become a habit. When you talk about it with someone, they look at you and try to convince you that it is just a phase or just an extended thought. It is so hard to explain the daily struggles that you face, coz in a way you yourself are unaware of them because without any announcement they become a part of your daily life and you get used to living like that. There are times when you have slept enough and are wide awake but think about the reasons to get up or look forward to life and just find yourself lost in a blank space with a numb mind and you don't know where to go, what to do, who to talk to or who to ask for help.. because you yourself don't know how to explain yourself. Depression is such a slow killer that you don't get to know when it comes to your life and befriends you. You don't realize when you start living with it like it was always there and keep killing your own spirit at a slow pace. I would write how to fight it when I know how it is done. Right now I know what it is and how it makes me feel.
Medhavi
14-05-17
14-05-17
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