Para His honesty was heart-breaking at times

His honesty was heart-breaking at times. His words were true, his intentions were clean but his actions spoke differently. He said what he meant and he meant what he said. He loved me, he really did. But it was a pain to see him in the arms of another woman,  his hands under someone else's waist and another just barely touching me. I desired him to show her and others, that he loved me and they meant nothing, but he liked being shared, he liked being touched. He apologized later and told me it didn't involve a bit of his heart or soul, it was just momentary and I am permanent, but I got hurt. I felt lost and ignored, supressed and un-cherished, held but not loved.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to push her away and tell her and the world that he's just mine and every bit of his belongs to me. I wasn't insecure, I wasn't possessive, I was just so scared that night. He looked at her the way he looked at me the first time we met. She wasn't prettier, but maybe she had a better body. I had so many things going in my mind, but I didn't react. I waited and waited, and waited, but he didn't come back. All that while, I just looked in his eyes, which he couldn't take off from her, his hands that didn't leave her for even a bit and his lips so near to hers that the thought was making me tremble that they might just kiss. I felt as if I could see him, but I was too far to touch him, to tell him that I need him, to ask him why is he doing this, I had to tell him that I too exist, I had to plead before him to give me my place, and he looked at me with irritation and told me that I am just over reacting.  I was flummoxed, couldn't think for a while,  was I over reacting ? Was I being unreasonable ?

He casually said that it was just a dance, he smiled and said what could I do, she was all over me, I was helpless, she was a guest. I just looked deep in his eyes and asked, what if you were at my place? Would you bear some random guy touching me in the way only you can ? He got furious and apologized but it was too late. I had warned him twice the same night to stay away from her. I had made up my mind to leave him. But as always, his honesty left me into splits. He said he admits he liked women too much and maybe he is not a commitment person. I just laughed at myself, remembering the moment at the same place where we were sitting, when we were nothing and he was telling me, what a relationship meant to him, how much commitment and loyalty matter. I felt so funny ! I fell in love for that honesty, for that love that I thought he was talking about, and suddenly I realized that it was all just a tale, a nice speech or what.

His honesty again stopped me, because the truth was still there. He loved me.. and I stayed..