I was warned...

He kept telling me, "Don't fall for me", but I never held myself back. I allowed myself to explore love and know him to the depth that I can't get disconnected from him. He warned me a lot of times that I was thinking too far, but I kept on dreaming and left my heart's door ajar. He never came in, he never went away but stood at the door. He just smiled and then told me again, it shouldn't be this way. Many times he told me to be patient and understand things more, but I was busy observing him, counting his eyelashes, smelling his worn t-shirts, cleaning his room, making him smile by my stupid acts, pampering him and doing things before he even conveyed. I started analyzing his moods and working on them. I started changing my priorities and changed myself for him and left my dearest oppotunities. I gave up my favorite interests and just went out of my way to make him realize what he had become for me.

I never bothered at first what he felt for me, I never expected a drop of his love. But the day he just started showing a little concern, it was like heavy showers of rose water for me. Our conversations were the only reason at first for which I madly fell for him. They were deep, they were about life, ambitions, dreams, silliest of aspirations. There were no limitations to our thought process but it was just as we felt..as we wanted. He made me feel beautiful about my being. He made me feel loved..wanted n desired. He never had to touch me to make me feel loved, but his smiles reached my heart. His little gestures made me forget the number of hours in a day. Everything seemed so beautiful. But still his warnings never ended. There was a day which wasnt perfect, but I made it one by telling him that I had fallen for him and not just that but that I wanted to marry him, live in his hometown, work with him, live with him n die with him. He just smiled and said, "I told you, dont fall for me. Not because I will say no or anything, but because I care about you".

I was flummoxed, thinking about the answer. Was it a yes or a no ? It was nothing. Like him it was beautifully lethal. I went to room n thought all night. I had to think for hours and then I could decode few phrases of him. He was so amazingly created by the almighty that atleast I needed another lifetime to be capable and worthy enough to be called his girl.

I remember those long nights when we just sat and gazed at the stars for hours, imagine constellations, shooting stars and beautiful things in the sky. There were silent phases when we didnt talk at all and there were loud phases when we sang our hearts out. Our connection was too deep.. too beautiful to be described in words. We had teas at midnight and talked about things that may never happen. We shared our own past stupidities and laughed over them. We remembered how the bad things made us stronger and thanked god for giving us a good fate. Every morning I prayed to see him and start my day and some mornings were actually lucky. Everything in that very phase was beautiful.. every bird sang... every inch of grass seemed greener.. the sky was vaster n bluer.. but every beautiful thing had an end. Things were going smooth but then a little wave ruined all the dream castles at the shore of my eyes. Reality knocked me down in just a few days and made me realize that I was looking into all this through a pink colored dreamy spectacle. It was a mirage..an unreal consequence. But it was too late. I had falled in love. Again !!

I still see him around and we share a smile or two. Hes still a mysteriously beautiful soul n he still knocks the door of my heart. But he taught me one thing for sure.. to believe that if you are too happy or something looks beyond reality, accept it as a dream sequence.. which will pass very soon. Be happy about it.. smile but dont fall, dont fall again in love. It hurts to the extent that you dont know how to gather the pieces of your heart as when you touch them, they hurt you and if u leave them, they create a void. I miss him, I still love him, but its my take. I was warned, I was told, but still I fell for him.

Medhavi
10.11.14